Interesting Issue Involving Gifts

So... there's no way to pussy-foot around this, but I feel like sharing with you guys and asking for some advice. We had guests at our wedding (family friends) give us a check as a wedding gift... that bounced. So we had to pay the check return fee ($25). The guests in question acknowledged what happened, seemed completely embarrassed, then asked multiple times for our mailing address, got it, and then... nothing. Yup, nothing. So basically we paid them for our wedding gift, since we had to pay the returned check fee.

Now, I am well aware that the rule is that no one is obligated to get you a wedding gift, nor would I ever ever complain on a blog that someone didn't get us a gift. That's not what this is about. This would be an issue whether it was a wedding, birthday, Christmas, etc. gift. Basically we're paying for our own gift... no?

Just as a side note, obviously it's no one who reads this blog. Before you go checking your bank accounts to make sure it wasn't you, lol. I'm not that mean! I'm just wondering... how do I approach this? It's someone I haven't seen in person for quite some time, but do not have a phone/email sort of relationship with so will need to discuss this with them in person, assuming I say anything at all. How do I approach this?? We sent out holiday card/thank you card combos over the holidays, and I sent one to them thanking them for a photo frame they also got us, hoping that the omission of thanking for the check would make them realize they forgot to send the replacement check... nope. We just got a Christmas card back.

Thoughts?

-C
xxx

Don't "Répondez S’il Vous Plaît"?

Google Images

I've been told by several reliable sources (i.e., friends who have been married, other bridal bloggers) that when you send out your wedding invitations you get a FLOOD of RSVPs right away, then they trickle off, then you get another flood closer to the respond by date.

So... what happens if you don't receive the first flood?? FH sent his portion (the UK portion) of our invites out on July 6th or 7th. Not counting his groomsmen, parents, and select family members (who I know are coming), we have received one official RSVP from his side - and it was a no (a no that we already knew). I sent my invites out on July 14th and have received an average of one RSVP (per family/couple) every two days since then. At 84 invitations that went out... and 3 weeks later... that's pretty bad. I keep emailing the hotel for an updated rooming list but there haven't been that many people who have booked rooms yet either (NOTE TO THOSE ATTENDING: the group rate is only until Aug. 17th!), but I have been able to add a couple people down as a yes due to the fact that they booked a room. I don't want to be rude, I'm just scared! It's hard to plan things when you have no idea how many people are coming, you know? I completely understand situations in which people may not be sure if they can come just yet. The part I have an issue with is that I think there are a lot of people out there who just think I know they're coming. I don't intend this to sound bratty or b**chy whatsoever, but... well... I don't. Bridal party, yes. Grandparents, yes. Siblings, yes. Anyone else? I truly don't know if you're coming unless you tell me.

I think people have a hard time telling people they can't come to their wedding. I suppose it's a hard thing to tell someone. Honestly, I promise I'll understand if you can't make it! Sure, you'll be missed. Yes, I'd love it if you could make it. But I promise I won't be mad or upset if you can't make it, for whatever reason!

I know this blog only reaches like 10 people who were invited to our wedding, but I think it's a stressful topic brides deal with a lot so I just thought I'd bring it up*. Truth be told, I think it's probably the #1 stressor throughout the wedding planning process. Not just for the wedding day count, but bachelorette parties, showers, rehearsal dinners, etc. That's a lot of RSVPs to deal with, for all involved in the planning! I have seen it a lot on blogs when it's closer to a bride's wedding date and they're frantically trying to figure out who's coming to their wedding at the last minute! Not gonna lie, that sounds pretty scary to me... I only have a little over 2 weeks left until my respond by date and worry that I'm going to have to start chasing a lot of people. Fingers crossed for a super flood of RSVPs in the next 2 weeks!

Google Images

Any suggestions (or RSVPs :) ) are more than welcome!

-C
xxx

*Ok, and vent a little. I'm only slightly freaking out that less than 20 people (of the 145 invited) have RSVP'd and there are only 2 weeks left for the respond by date...

Aaaand they're off!!

Invites are officially in the mail, folks. If you didn't see yours yet, and don't want to, then SPOILER ALERT there are pics posted below! You can come back and read the rest of this post after you gets yours in a few days :) Please don't judge my invites by these sucky photos. My camera doesn't like to make pictures look awesome. ever. and the color's always so blah! Yes, the reason I got the camera in the first place is just to take normal, decent pictures, and be much better than the last camera I had. It has succeeded in those things... but now that I want it for beautiful blog pics I realize my camera kinda sucks. Even though it is green :( Yes, my camera, too, is green.

But I digress. Back to invites...

Fingers crossed that A - they all stay in tact and B - people don't think they look like crap. I know, I know, you're "not supposed to care what other people think." Come on, let's get real, that's a load of crap. I can't help it! I made all these invites FOR other people. I mean, yes, for me & FH, but they are going to be seen by 100+ other people, so how can I not hope people don't think they suck?

So the envelopes are kelly green - and so is the ribbon running down the sides of the invites themselves. And even though the side accent part looks olive, that's also just a tad shade lighter than kelly green. Thanks camera.

This one's gonna hurt your eyes, sorry, but this is the only one that really shows the true colors.

♪ Bliiiinded by the light... ♫

And here are the RSVP and Directions cards that went in with the invites.

I had so many ideas for my invites, I'm surprised I ever dwindled them all down to just one*! Well, if anyone ever needs any invites created, let me know. I've got a ton of ideas I didn't use and would love to put to good use! One of these days I'll have to put together some prototypes for the Behind The Green Veil Etsy shop.

It's been so hard dealing with the invite list, just about any bride will agree with me here. There are cousins you want to invite, but don't know their siblings very well so can't just invite the one cousin because you have to draw the line somewhere (like basically not inviting 2nd cousins as a rule so it doesn't look like you're picking and choosing). Or you want to invite one roommate, but not the other (I know I'm among the very small percentage of brides these days who doesn't live with her fiance yet!). What about happy hour buddies? Are they friends enough to invite? What about friends from high school that you don't talk to anymore, but were so close with way back when? Didn't you always think they'd be at your wedding? But you haven't heard boo from them in years (typically these are male friends, they SUCK at keeping in touch).

Then there are the friends who come out of the woodwork during your engagement. I don't think I'm alone in saying that when you get engaged, there will always be at least one person whom you haven't spoken to in years, that you either get back in touch with or really WANT to get back in touch with. I guess the latter would be because this is a major life event, and if you had any sort of good relationship with the person in the past, you kind of want them there. The only problem is... you haven't spoken to them in years, for whatever reason. The constant question of "Do I invite them?" goes through your head pretty much every day. But then you think, well this person hasn't contact me either, and what if I contact this person and they want nothing to do with me? And if I do invite them, will we lose touch after the wedding all over again, and in that case, is it worth it? Or what if they can't come for whatever reason? Did I just make an extra invite for naught? So how do you deal with all of these dilemmas?

No, seriously. I have no solution. How do you deal with all of these dilemmas?

You can say just invite whoever you want to be there and screw the rest, but it really just doesn't work that way. It's a tricky/sticky/sucky situation. I guess at some point you just have to bite the bullet and decide you're not inviting 2nd cousins, not inviting people you haven't spoken to in more than x amount of years, or not inviting (some of) the people you get drunk with on Wednesdays. Doesn't make it any easier, though, but us normal people ain't made of money. And us indecisive people need to stop thinking about it before "we" drive ourselves crazy.

-C
xxx

PS Yes the names are smudged on purpose and not on the actual invites.

*Especially considering I'm one of the most indecisive people you'll ever meet.

To Dye or Not To Dye?

I often wonder about the possibility of dyeing shoes. If I wanted to wear ivory (or even black for that matter) shoes for my wedding day, I would be allll set. Actually, I probably wouldn't because I'm so indecisive and there are sooo many options out there that I wouldn't be able to pick just one pair! I've seen beautiful green shoes... in pictures (no longer being sold)... on shopping sites (not in my size)... and shady foreign websites that don't even ask you the shoe size of the Louboutins you want and then send you to Paypal to pay and their account is 'suspended'. Yeah. Shady.

I'm having such a hard time finding the perfect shoes (GREEN peep toe pumps with a bow or flower on the toe and hidden platform), in my size, available for purchase, and not $900. I know dyeing shoes is an option, but would like to hear from some people who have done it? If I were having a red, pink, purple, or blue wedding, we wouldn't be having this conversation! Why oh why don't stores do green?? I don't understand! It's only the most beautiful color in the world (not biased at all...). I was in Marks & Spencer's in London this weekend and they had set ups of accessories organized by color. They had feather clips, hats, fascinator headbands - all separated out by color. Pink. Red. Black. Purple. Blue. Turquoise. Green. And, no joke, all but the green had shoes included in their display. What the deuce?? I was really hoping I'd find green shoes on this trip to London Town, so people could be like "OMG where did you get your shoes??" and I could be like "Oh, you know, just London." But nooo. Apparently this green shoe shortage is international.

Oh my god. In my search for "dyed shoes images" I came across this blog. I think this is my bride twin. At least as far as shoes goes. She was looking for green shoes (about a year ago) for her wedding, and was in love with the same BP Posey Pumps from Nordstrom I've been in love with forever, and blogged about the same dilemma - to dye or not to dye??

BP Posey Pumps. This bride got 'em, the rest of us didn't...

Well, my shoe doppleganger ended up dyeing hers and they look gorge. Don't they?

So should I just give in and buy an ivory or white pair and have them dyed the color I want? Or do I keep holding out hope I'll someday (preferably within the next couple months) come across my dream shoes? DSW alone has about 5 or 6 pairs of beautiful ivory styles. Like these beautiful babies:

-C
xxx

Don't Bug Me

I scored big at dollar tree yet again last weekend. They have tiki torches for $1! I also got some tin-like platters (not plastic is what I'm trying to say). Hmm what else have I gotten at dollar tree so far for my wedding... well, shepherd's hooks were a big find. I think that's a pretty big score considering if you buy them from home and garden shops they're like $10. Sure, those are more sturdy, but do I need these to last forever? Do I need them to hold super heavy plants? Nope and nope. They're for holding ribbon and signs. Easy peasy cheapy. And they'll go in my garden (or MOB's) when they're done.

But back to the tiki torches, to touch on another backyard bride issue - BUGS. Yup, only glamorous parts of wedding planning mentioned on this blog, folks. Yet again I find myself thinking, "Wow, I never thought I'd have to think about this while wedding planning." But, alas, bugs are inevitable in a backyard in summertime. Hopefully because it's right on the edge of being fall it won't be too buggy, but gotta be prepared nonetheless. SO, do I spray people down with bug spray when they walk in? Do I give mosquito bracelets away as wedding favors? Bug repellent could give the food an extra zing, right? Gross. I hate bug spray. Who doesn't? I mean, there's really no avoiding it getting in your mouth. I know I've never put it on without tasting it.

So what's a bride to do? Well, apparently there's a spray you can put on the grass, which sounds awesome to me. I mean, as long as you don't roll around in or lick the grass, there should be no reason you'd taste it with your dinner. But I want to keep these suckers out as much as possible, so citronella candles and tiki torches will also be in attendance at my wedding. Some other options I've read about, that I may use, but may be useful to others planning backyard weddings or events, are:

• Plants: Catnip (I personally hate cats AND bugs, so no catnip at my wedding!), lemon balm, rosemary, eucalyptus, and citronella grass
• Insect Controlling Devices: This one and this one claim to cover up to an acre! The latter seems like it would make that zapping noise, though, but I'm no expert. And this just seems cool (reviews are mixed, though).
• Bug Repellent Lotion/Wipes: Yes, they still smell like the spray, but at least you can control where the lotion goes, and perhaps include it in your OOT (Out of Town) guest bags for guests to apply before they get to the venue.
• Timing: Some even recommend changing the time of your event. I don't know if you could ever really time it so that you won't get any bugs. Plus, who thinks about that when they're deciding on a time for their wedding?

Or you could just give everyone a bug racquet :)

-C
xxx

Time

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been traveling for work and... well, just plain busy to be honest. I know you all were probably crying without my posts... HA, right. Anyway...

Ok even though the other day I said let's not worry about time, now I'm blogging about time. I can be hypocritical at times... or is that just being plain difficult? or in denial maybe? I don't know, whatever. I'm changing my mind! Time! I need more of it! (energy, too!)

and you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
racing around to come up behind you again

Where do the days/hours/weeks go? I know everyone wishes for Friday every Monday, but really? Every time Friday comes around, I blink and it's Monday again. The sock monster isn't eating socks anymore, he's eating weekends. Seriously. I always think I'm going to get so much accomplished every weekend and then poof - what weekend? And while on one hand, I want the next 6 or so months to fly by so that my fiance can be here for more than a week at a time, I am so not even close to having this wedding planned and the idea of only having 6 months to do so when weeks are flying by so quickly blows my mind!

every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time

I NEED TO START WORKING OUT LIKE WHOA. I've said it before, I'll say it again, my gym at work is WAY too far away. 20 floors down to the lobby, maybe 20 feet to the next elevator bank, 3 floors up another elevator. GOSH! I wish they'd make it a little more accessible... or maybe I just need more TIME (ok and motivation) to go there. Or at least not be so damn tired when I get home from work that I can't even do a 30 minute workout DVD - oh, and I also need time to clean up some of the clutter in my room so I have SPACE to do said workout! I really wish I were one of those people that loses weight when they're stressed out, but nooOOOooo, I'm one of the ones who eats MORE when they stress! Great.

We just hired a new coordinator for my department and I'm really hoping she can help me free up some time at work - so that I don't have to work late - so that I don't come home late and/or exhausted and not wanting to do anything - so I have time/energy to do more than just have dinner and lay on my bed thinking about all the wedding projects I need to be doing... like that contest I plan on entering. Can't really do that without time. But so far all she's doing is creating more work for me - because she's too good! She gets everything done so damn fast that I don't even have time to get another project ready for her.

home, home again
i like to be here, when i can...

I also need just a smidge of motivation that some of my friends have. They MAKE time for all this stuff. That's one recipe that hasn't been passed along to me just yet...

So... in recap, in case you haven't noticed, I need a few more hours in the day.

Thanks for listening :)

-C
xxx

The Crappiest Part of Wedding Planning...

How exactly does one make a Porta Potty not sound... gross? One of the not so glamorous parts of planning my wedding is finding a suitable bathroom facility. I love how all the companies that rent them out have terms for them that try to make it not sound so gross. Newsflash, porta john companies, it doesn't matter if you call it a temporary restroom or a porta potty, or if you make up different levels like maxim, premier, ambassador, deluxe, platinum, gold, etc. No matter the descriptor, the stigma of the portable bathroom does not fade. It's something that when everyone hears is their only option, they all of a sudden can hold it for hours for fear of stepping foot in something so horrid.

Unfortunately there's not really a way around it. We have two bathrooms inside the house but A - don't want people trampling through the house B - don't want to have to deal with the possibility of one getting clogged and someone having to roll up their sleeves and get in there and fix it and C - the second one is in my mom's bedroom and that's just not right to have strangers (to her) walking through there. Hence, we need "temporary restrooms" in the backyard.

Sure, there are plenty of "luxury" options, but I'm wondering... are people even going to notice I spent the extra dough on it? Or will the porta potty stigma follow it no matter how "luxury" it is? And let me tell you, these suckers ain't cheap! Not even the standard ones are really.

*sigh*

Anybody got any advice? Will it really matter if I shell out the extra $$ for the nicer ones? Should I go with something in the middle because nobody will care? Or do I just let people hold it all night?

Hm... maybe I'll send everyone adult diapers with their invites.

-C
xxx

Bridal Brain

This is your brain:
This is your brain on weddings:Seriously, I think there might be studies on this. There are studies on a lot more stupid things, so there must be. I think there should be a disease called Bridal Brain (or something much more clever). Something happens to us the moment we get engaged. (I'm going to generalize here and say that all brides are like this, but really I think it's a certain type of bride. One that wants to plan her own wedding I think would really sum it up. If you don't care about the small details and don't want to plan your own, you'll obviously be in a very different mindset.) The world seems to stop. You can't work, can't sleep, can't do anything... without thinking about your wedding. And just because in my case it's mostly about the decor because I'm crazy like that, doesn't mean the same doesn't happen to other people who are more worried about the guest list, the food, etc. The disease is brutal, and causes you to bring up your wedding like it's some guy you've just started dating.

You'll be in the middle of a conversation about hotdogs*

which makes you think of pigs in a blanket
which then makes you think of hors d'oeuvreswhich then makes you think of weddingswhich then makes you bring up something unrelated about your wedding

Does this drive the non-engaged person in the conversation insane? Probably. No matter what the conversation topic, somehow the engaged person's brain always finds some way to relate it to their wedding. We just can't get it off our minds. We can't help it. It's a disease I tell you. BUT, if you are anything like me, it will happen to you someday and you'll see just what I'm talking about. Remember now, when you're getting annoyed by yet another wedding reference by your friend, that this will (more than likely) be you someday. I'm being completely truthful when I say it is NOT (for most people at least) about always talking about yourself and being the center of attention (or being a one upper). It may look like that, but really it's not. Wedding stuff is just always on the brain and so if there's any sort of connection to a present conversation, our brain will make it.

I'm a planner. I plan things down to the tiny details. Some people don't, so they don't get why you're so worried about those tiny details, especially so far from the big day. I like to focus on the tiny details first, as a matter of fact, specifically to get them out of the way. I'm sorry if I'm driving some of you crazy. I didn't realize I was driving anyone crazy but myself. I actually was under the illusion that I was making things pretty easy for everyone (again, except for myself). As a matter of fact, it comes as a shock to me that I'm not. I guess even me talking about my own stress bothers others. I'll try to keep it to myself from now on. I think the only person to whom I can truly relate right now is my bridesmaid Amanda, because she's planning her own wedding and is very much like me in that every detail must be covered. I actually aspire to be more like her as a bride-to-be because she's basically DONE since she started everything so early, and she's still got 4 months to go.

Oh yeah, and another side effect of this disease? You start to forget lots of things because, lo and behold, your wedding is taking up too much room in your brain. So while on the outside, you may look the same as you always have, on the inside you're not paying attention to that meeting you're in because (somehow) the carpet inspired you of a way to do your centerpieces (making this up, I didn't really get inspired by carpet... not yet at least).

Anyway... I hope this will at least provide a heads up to those who are yet to be engaged. This is what you're in for. Planning your own wedding is extremely stressful - and may strain relationships and cause memory loss.

-C
xxx

*You would NOT believe how many dirty pictures come up in a google search for "hot dog". Seriously people??

Clothing Optional?

Just a bit of a silly rant... my mom is having trouble finding a dress for my wedding. She doesn't realize she's having trouble finding a dress, but I do. She's verrrrry laid back about it, in no rush to find it, and knows exactly what she wants:

she wants to match the wedding party
she doesn't mind if she matches the wedding party
she wants a long dress
she may be ok with a shorter dress
she wants to make her dress out of fabric she bought
she wants to buy her dress from a store
she has absolutely no interest in actually going to a store to shop for said dress
she wants me to help her pick out a dress
she hates every picture message of a dress i send to her

I know where this path leads, and it ain't nowhere good. My family is notorious for lateness/putting things off. I actually think somehow my Uncle Randy (Wendy can verify) may have somehow missed that gene. The rest of us are screwed. My excuse is that it's genetic. But the reason is not laziness, it's more trying to fit in as much as possible into a small time frame. For my family, there really aren't enough hours in the day, although one could also probably say that we just have poor time management. But it's genetic! I'm telling you this right now, there is a very good chance we will all be late to my wedding. We were, afterall, late to Meamaw's funeral (it's how she would have wanted it, we went to her favorite thrift store that morning). My Aunt Cheri was so late to my Uncle Tim's wedding that she never even made it. You see what I'm saying...

So how does this fit in with dress finding? Let me tell you a little story about my senior prom dress. I'd love to upload a pic of it, because it turned out beautifully, but I'm at work and don't have one here. My mom made my dress. I picked out the pattern, we picked out the fabric, she measured me, and got to work... eventually. I can't pick on her too much because the lateness gene also applies to starting projects later than anticipated because of other projects that started later than anticipated, and so on and so forth. Also, yes, it is hard work and my mom works full-time, and sometimes very, very late. But, alas, the end of the story has me, in tears, hair done, half an hour late for prom pictures, waiting for her to finish my dress.

PLEASE let her find a dress by July, or I may force her to wear something like this.

Mom, I realize you may be reading this right now, laid up at home after knee surgery and all, and I hope you know I'm not trying to be mean. I also realize that you probably won't be able to find the comment button so no one will ever be able to see you defend yourself (muwahaha). But please, for the love of god, don't still be looking for, or making, your dress this August. I WILL force you to buy something, or, alternately, you may be the first MOB, nudists excluded, to wear her birthday suit to her daughter's wedding. :)

-C
xxx

Close Call - Way Too Close!

After reading a post over on Weddzilla today, I thought I'd share my own near-tragic ring story.

A little over 2 months after we got engaged, I was shopping for jewelry with one of my bridesmaids and realized the stone was loose in my ring. I started to panic a bit, but she said not to worry, that hers did the same thing before she got it fixed. Apparently when you get it fitted, sometimes the process can jostle the stone - apparently they also don't like to tell you this! She told me I should go back to the jeweler and just have them adjust it, but not to worry, I wouldn't lose it.

A couple weeks later my fiancé was visiting me and it was pretty much the first thing I told him about when he got off the plane. He said we needed to get to the jeweler that week and make sure they fix it.

THAT NIGHT, we went to a basement bar (very cool place, almost like a cave, but relevant because of how dark it is) with a bunch of friends. At one point I went to the bathroom, and when I came back happened to check my ring (because at this point I was getting obsessive about checking it), my fiancé did the same, and it was GONE! We immediately went into action - he dropped to the floor of the bar to look for it, I ran back to the bathroom to look on the floor and around the sink (friends with us actually thought I had thrown the ring at him and run off for some reason, lol). I was JUST SHORT of sticking my hand in the trash can (ewww) when I thought I'd come back and see if, by some miracle, he had found it. Guess what - he did! Here's the part of the story where I'm supposed to gush "Myyyy Hero!", except that he'd like that too much :) Anyway, I guess it's true because he did find it... on the floor... of a bar... a VERY dark one at that.. and we were very lucky we both noticed it so quick. He didn't milk that at all... still doesn't... no, not even a little bit... lol.

I immediately put the diamond in a zipper pocket of my purse, and took it to the jeweler to get fixed a day later. They seemed to be not very surprised... which makes me completely believe my friend about the jostling during the fitting process. They didn't actually admit fault in the matter, but did say they would fix it for no cost soooo that to me says "it's our fault". Anyway, I can't exactly say I blame them for not telling people about it every time they size a ring because I think they'd have a lot of paranoid bride-to-be's on their hands. I still completely trust them, and the guy did offer to add a few prongs to the inside of the ring to prevent it from happening in the future. I did have to pay for that, but only a measley $65 or so, since we did not originally get the ring from them. Small price to pay for your sanity (although the paranoia is still present, it is slowly fading).

And here she is, safe and sound:

Close call!

-C
xxx